Purpose beyond work

Its important to add purpose beyond just work.  While I don't always publicly talk about it, I do have goals and objectives for maintaining or enhancing my relationships with family and friends.

For my kids, one goal I have is to dedicate my full attention to them one a regular basis.  When I come home from work, until they go to bed, I try not to let much get in the way from talking and playing with them.  On the weekends, I hurry to finish my to-do list so that we can play together in the afternoons.  And while this goal is not very measurable, it is very important for me to build a positive relationship with my kids.  I do this in part by focusing on positive discipline, rather than the traditional reward/punishment model of parenting.

For friends, I dedicate time to spend exclusively with them.  Whether its inviting them over to our house for dinner and games, or meeting them at parks, events, or GLO meetings.  If they live far away, I make an effort to call, email, or chat with them on Facebook occasionally just to see how they are doing.  As with my kids, I have no measurable goals for my friends as our interactions are usually focused on just enjoying each other's time, but I do keep a generic goal of maintaining the friendships.

When it comes to these types of goals, measurement may not be possible, unless of course I discover a happiness meter.  Or maybe a joyfulness meter.  Until then, I will do what I can to keep my friends, build those relationships worth building, and enjoy the results.

P.S.  Not to forget my wonderful wife.  My goals with her are similar to above, but far more intense. :)

Weekly goals

Accomplished a bunch last week.  For this week, I'm starting to prepare for the end of the semester.

Essential:

• Prep for classes
• Submit article on Search alternatives
• Resubmit ethics instrument article (waiting on co-author)
• Continue working on online auction articles
• Sell both cribs (we have a bunch of people stopping by this week, so it should be done by this weekend).
• Keep house clean for selling

Stretch:

• Brainstorm changes to self-reflection system (thanks Jeff, for reminding me of my new year goals)
• Brainstorm ways to systematize and integrate my goals, projects, weekly reviews, and to-do list
• Submit one online auction article

Reading my kid's mind

This weekend I luckily turned a bad situation into a good one.  It all started when my two oldest kids were playing in the Family Room.  "A" my oldest is a 5 1/2 year old boy who loves to play with other people.  "B" my daughter is 4, loves her big brother, but sometimes gets really pissed at him.  "A" grabbed on of "B"s stuffed animals and proceeded to abuse it, so "B" left the room crying.

After I heard her whimpering down in the basement, I went to go check on her and comfort her.  After she settled down a bit, we agreed to play with her play-dough together.  Then along comes "A".  He came down and asked "B" if he could play too.  She was still mad at him, so she said no.  "A", not letting someone else's answer stop him, proceeded to keep bugging "B" to see if she would let him play now (as if waiting 1.5 seconds between each request makes a difference).  I asked him to find something else to play with as she had clearly made her wishes clear.  He refused and ended up squishing one of her play-dough designs.  At this point, I requested he leave the room and escorted him back up stairs.  That's when things starting deteriorating even more. He refused to stay up stairs and I refused to let him back down because I was afraid he would continue to annoy his sister.  Stalemate!

Then I realized something.

I asked him "You really want to play with your sister don't you?"
A: Crying "Yes"
Me: "And you don't like it that she doesn't want to play with you?"
A: Still crying "No"
Me:  "I have an idea.  Why don't you write a note to your sister saying you're sorry?  Maybe then she'll want to play with you again."
A:  Short silence. "Would you get me a sheet of paper?"

I did!  FAST!  And about a minute later, he came down with his note, cut out in the shape of a heart and handed it too her.  It read "Im sre that I smosed yor plado"  (I'm sorry that I smooched your playdough).  "B" read the note (with my help interpreting), and A and B were best friends again.  Problem solved!

All I had to do was read my son's mind.  Luckily, I know him really well.  I know that he's a people person and loves his sister to death.  I know that he would do whatever is necessary to play with her, but that sometimes he just doesn't know how to articulate his thoughts.  It wasn't until I realized his problem that we were able to solve our stalemate.

Now if only I can remember this the next time...

Weekly goals

In spite of having a very busy/ productive week, it doesn't seem like I actually accomplished much.  So my weekly goals look almost identical to last week.  That being said - the staging of our house took a ton of time this weekend - painting, cleaning, decluttering, preparing, and more.

This week's Essential goals:

• Resubmit ethics instrument article (waiting on co-authors)
• Finish meaningful learning article
• Prep classes
• Advertise cribs for sale
• Complete URSP document for Cole

Stretch goals

• Finalize survey 
• Work on online auction selection article
• Write assignment 10 for IS 606
• Request Cole start UHSRB document

Weekly goals

Missed last weeks goals because I was out of town at the funeral of my grandfather.  He was a wonderful man, who lived a full, happy life.  I will miss him.

This week's Essential goals:

• Resubmit ethics instrument article
• Submit meaningful learning article
• Prep classes
• Advertise cribs for sale
• Finish staging house
• Inform students of extra credit opportunities
• Promote Global IT club

Stretch goals

• Finalize survey 
• Work on online auction selection article
• Write assignment 10 for IS 606

What is racism and Why the Tea Party is Not

The other day, I wrote a series of comments on a friend's blog about the nature of racism - as I was having a serious problem with his notion that the Tea Party movement is racist.  His comments helped me to think through the issue and better understand our different definitions of racism.  So I'm reposting some of my comments here:

I think we can define racism simply as a type of discrimination based on race. Discrimination is not in and of itself a bad thing. For example, I am very discriminating on who are my friends and who I trust to care for my kids. It is a stupid thing to discriminate based on inessentials, like race. It is an evil thing to promote discrimination of inessentials as law. That's why most racism discussions center on laws and regulations that are designed to negatively impact certain races.

But here's an important differentiation - its not just "negative impact" that defines racism, its legislation that is "designed" to "negatively impact" other races. There must be intent. Without intent, you merely have a law. Perhaps a bad law for other reasons, but not a racist law. So the poll tax and Jim Crow laws can be considered racist because history shows us that the intention for creating the laws were to keep blacks downtrodden.

If you want to show that the Tea Party is racist, you need to likewise show that their intent is to discriminate based on race.

He disagreed that a label of racism implies intent, so I elaborated:

By my definition of racism as a type of discrimination, I'm not sure I could agree that it is something un/sub conscious. The act of discrimination is conscious in nature. I differentiate that from prejudice, which is a conscious or subconscious bias toward some person, group, or class of things without knowing all the facts. You seem to favor prejudice by race as the definition of racism. I favor discrimination by race as the definition of racism.

The reason I favor the latter definition is that the former seems to overly broad and not all that useful. Certainly people have prejudices and they should be careful to eliminate them the best they can. But with your definition, almost anyone can be called a racist without recourse. I could say (and I don't believe this) "Curtis is racist but he doesn't even realize it". I think it cheapens the concept racist to include honest but real prejudices with insidious racial discrimination. Basically, it tries to lump simple biases that may not be consciously chosen with wicked mob lynchings, classifying all under an "evil" tag of racism. That does an injustice to those who may not even want their bias and an injustice to those who deserve the label of "evil" but have it watered down.

After writing this, I imagined some examples that seem appropriate here.  If racism is merely a bias toward or against another race, than any preference/bias/likes/dislikes of anything related to skin color/nationality/origin could be considered racism; a preference for Cuban music is racist, liking German food is racist, choosing sushi over spaghetti is racist, marrying a white woman is racist, or thinking that the Russian language is harsh is racist.  The whole idea that racism is slippery and insidious would make it applicable to everyone with any preferences.

Curtis asked in turn:

"The act of discrimination is conscious in nature."

How? I think that's an untenable position. We now have data that toddlers choose light skinned dolls over dark skinned dolls regardless of the race of the child. Are you saying that is a conscious decision even though toddlers have no conceptualization of race?

I'm not familiar with this research, but if true could be caused by any number of things.  But I seriously doubt this is a conscious decision and hence not discrimination.  According to OED, the definition of discriminate is "1. To make or constitute a difference in or between; to distinguish, differentiate. 2. To distinguish with the mind or intellect; to perceive, observe, or note the difference in or between."  It is in this sense that I use the word discrimination.  Making, constituting, perceiving, observing, and noting are all conscious processes. So no, I would not consider these children racist (discriminating based on race).  But according to his own conception of racism, they would be, which leads me a little bit confused by his question.

Curtis also asks:

"But with your definition, almost anyone can be called a racist without recourse."

If they're racist, then they should be called racist, no? And what recourse would there be? I don't get that part. It seems you have an idea of trying someone in court to determine if they're racist or not. I might be reading too much into it though.

Without recourse refers to the appeal to innocence.  If someone is labeled racist, how would it be possible to disprove that claim?  When the definition of racism is any prejudice toward a race, the answer is - you can't.  There is no evidence that would prove someone is not prejudice, because, as he describes it, the concept is slippery and insidious.  Even Curtis admits as much in the last paragraph of his post "So is there "evidence" or "proof" that the Tea Party is racist? No." If there is no proof they are racist, then there can also be no proof they are not racist, because you can't disprove a negative.  Once the label of racism is thrown at a person or a group, it is impossible to overcome that label.

That, I contend, is a improper way to define the term.  As I noted above, pretty much anyone can be described as racist according to his definition.  Any preferences toward one race over another, whether intentional or not, then you would be racist.  But if everyone is "racist", then I'm left with a big "So what?"  If everyone has these preferences, then everyone simply exists. 

The only idea I can fathom that would motivate this definition of racism is the possibility that biases and prejudices left unchecked could lead to discrimination. This certainly has some plausibility, especially given the anti-conceptual nature of much of our culture.  However, I certainly don't buy that certain biases and prejudices necessarily lead to discrimination.  There is a possibility, no more.  Individuals can consciously identify racial discrimination and reject it, even if certain biases led them to prefer one race or tradition over another.  They can prefer the culture of whites (or blacks), yet consciously choose not to discriminate against another race because they know its wrong.  They could judge each person they meet individually, as a man or woman, not a black man or a white woman or an Asian man or a Middle eastern woman or whatever their background may be.  Where would this situation fit in with his definition?  I don't know, but I would like to find out.

Based on all the evidence I've seen, the Tea Party is not racist.  There may be a few racists that support the group, but nearly every instance where racists have shown up to Tea Party events, the organizers have marginalized their voice or kicked them out.  The Tea Party did rise after Obama came into power, but only after he proceeded to push government spending beyond what even Bush was doing.  Most Tea Partiers were mad at Bush and the Republicans for their spending.  That's why the Tea Party refuses to identify with the Republicans.  Obama promised something different.  Instead, he gave us any even bigger debt.  Of the Tea Party supporters I've talked too, not one has mentioned any sort of intent to hurt or dis-impoverish blacks.  Not one has suggested that they dislike Obama because he his black.  They dislike Obama because he had the most liberal voting record in the Senate in 2007.  Maybe, just maybe, people dislike him because of that?  Perhaps the policies they advocate are because they are genuinely worried about our debt, not because they secretly want to hurt some group of people.  Perhaps they think and don't just feel.

I do offer limited approval of the Tea Party.  I believe they are a mixed bag, but mostly good.  They could really improve with a heavy dose of a philosophy respecting individual rights. 

Letting kids solve their own problems

Thanks to Rational Jenn and her constant reminder to use positive discipline, the following conversation  just took place.

B: Dad, A wants to jump 11 more times and I don't want her too.

Me: Well, lets go see what we can do about this.

Me to A: B says you want to jump 11 more times.

A: Well, he got to jump 5 times and said I can only jump 3 times.  I want to do more than 5.

B:  How about you jump 8 times?

A: I only want to jump 8 or 11 times, so 8 is perfect.

B: Okay.

Completely and totally arbitrary numbers, but at least they solved their disagreement themselves.  Parenting win!