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Showing posts with label Living Consciously. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Living Consciously. Show all posts
8.02.2012
1.04.2012
When goals flounder - review your Central Purpose
This past week, I've been avoiding a thorough review of my goals as I had a sneaky suspicion that I had failed at a number of them. That seemed debilitating and counter-productive. But as I forced myself to start writing this post, I began to realize just how much I had accomplished and more importantly, I came to realize that most of the failed goals floundered because I had not stayed true to myself. In the end, I had a major revelation. By confronting my anxiety, I destroyed it.
Last January, I had 3 major goals that were in part contingent on a number of factors. One of course was the pending job candidacy with ECU. As to those three goals, all were accomplished.
After our move to North Carolina, I re-wrote my year end goals (why? I'm not quite sure.) A number of those goals I did not accomplish. It left me wondering why not. Had I lost my mo-jo? Were the goals unrealistic? Was I not motivated to accomplish them? The truth is mostly the latter in part because I have been misleading myself away from my central purpose in life (CPL).
After numerous talks with some friends of mine, I have been re-conceptualizing the direction of my career to integrate my research, teaching, consulting, service, blog writing, and potential business ventures. Until just about 30 minutes ago, I had been considering two different directions, each of which seemed plausible for establishing that integration. I thought that by focusing on one of those two directions, I could stay true to my CPL. I was wrong! My original CPL already established the direction - to teach others how to make better decisions, specifically in designing, building, maintaining, and using information systems. Today, I see no reason to pick one of the two different directions. The goals I was failing were all connected with choosing between these two directions. I need to web development knowledge in order to make better decisions. I need philosophic knowledge in order to make better decision. I need to understand how habits, information technologies, values, analysis and design techniques, epistemology, rationality, psychology, and productiveness can impact decision making. In short, my CPL already integrates these two passions of mine. Instead of picking one, I just need to remind myself of my ultimate passion - helping others to make better decisions. The rest follows.
So why did I fail at these goals? They failed because they met a mental block. Although crafted with my best intentions, I couldn't find the motivation to pursue them with the passion they deserved. Something just didn't seem right, although I couldn't put my finger on exactly what. The cognitive dissonance I experienced (and hence my failure to act on a number of projects/goals) stemmed from my mismatch between the reality of my CPL and the inappropriate goals I was setting. Contradictions cannot exist. My subconscious identified the contradiction first. It wasn't until today that my consciousness caught up.
So how to move forward? Rather than being frustrated with myself for not accomplishing my goals or falling behind in projects, I need to review all my projects and decide which ones will help me accomplish my CPL best and cut the rest. And that is my very next project!
Last January, I had 3 major goals that were in part contingent on a number of factors. One of course was the pending job candidacy with ECU. As to those three goals, all were accomplished.
After our move to North Carolina, I re-wrote my year end goals (why? I'm not quite sure.) A number of those goals I did not accomplish. It left me wondering why not. Had I lost my mo-jo? Were the goals unrealistic? Was I not motivated to accomplish them? The truth is mostly the latter in part because I have been misleading myself away from my central purpose in life (CPL).
After numerous talks with some friends of mine, I have been re-conceptualizing the direction of my career to integrate my research, teaching, consulting, service, blog writing, and potential business ventures. Until just about 30 minutes ago, I had been considering two different directions, each of which seemed plausible for establishing that integration. I thought that by focusing on one of those two directions, I could stay true to my CPL. I was wrong! My original CPL already established the direction - to teach others how to make better decisions, specifically in designing, building, maintaining, and using information systems. Today, I see no reason to pick one of the two different directions. The goals I was failing were all connected with choosing between these two directions. I need to web development knowledge in order to make better decisions. I need philosophic knowledge in order to make better decision. I need to understand how habits, information technologies, values, analysis and design techniques, epistemology, rationality, psychology, and productiveness can impact decision making. In short, my CPL already integrates these two passions of mine. Instead of picking one, I just need to remind myself of my ultimate passion - helping others to make better decisions. The rest follows.
So why did I fail at these goals? They failed because they met a mental block. Although crafted with my best intentions, I couldn't find the motivation to pursue them with the passion they deserved. Something just didn't seem right, although I couldn't put my finger on exactly what. The cognitive dissonance I experienced (and hence my failure to act on a number of projects/goals) stemmed from my mismatch between the reality of my CPL and the inappropriate goals I was setting. Contradictions cannot exist. My subconscious identified the contradiction first. It wasn't until today that my consciousness caught up.
So how to move forward? Rather than being frustrated with myself for not accomplishing my goals or falling behind in projects, I need to review all my projects and decide which ones will help me accomplish my CPL best and cut the rest. And that is my very next project!
11.10.2011
The tale of two passions
What should you do when you can't decide between two equally passionate directions for your career? For many of us, there are many things we could do that would make us happy. Sometimes, you can whittle down that list to one or two great passions. Sometimes a great opportunity comes along that diverges from your current career. What happens when you cannot decide between your two highest passions. Should you do both? Unfortunately, splitting your efforts between two careers usually ends up with failure in both. The more directed and focused you can be in your career, the greater success you will reach along with a deeper happiness from a job well done. So, how can one decide? Here is I dealt with this issue.
First the background. For a while now, I have struggled with deciding between two different career tracks. I attempted to integrate those passions in my career as an academic, but I am still drawn to specializing in one or the other. Both passions fall in line with my central purpose in life. Both passions have long-term viability in my career as an academic. Both have potential for a consulting/expert business beyond academy. The first of these passions is to think, write, and educate about making decisions using applied philosophy, particularly extending Objectivism's moral and epistemological foundations. The second passion is to think, write, and educate about making decisions for developing a web presence, particularly with emerging web technologies. I have tried, unsuccessfully, for the past couple months to decide which career tracks offers the most potential happiness and financial gain.
Here is how I propose to deal with this dilemma.
For a short time, I will do both - equally. I will set up two dueling frameworks. Two blogs, two twitter accounts, and two facebook pages interconnected so that I can hit maximum exposure of my ideas with minimal effort. I will then set up dual marketing schemes, targeted at the appropriate audiences. Then I will proceed to blog once a week in each framework and post status updates/ micro-blog 5 times a week for one month. At the end of the first month, I will evaluate three things for both passions 1. market response 2. difficulty in finding and writing content and 3. how much did I enjoy the process. The last of which being the most important. If there is no clear winner after the first month, I will continue for a second month and re-evaluate again - perhaps even a third and fourth month, if needed. I need to convenience myself which career track focus will create the greatest enduring value for me. The other passion will be regulated to a hobby.
While I am in a unique position to try both career tracks simultaneously, not everyone has that luxury. In cases where decisions have to made quickly (as in the case of once in a lifetime opportunities that expire in a few days), developing a weighted average matrix might help. Essentially, that is what I'm doing, but collecting real data rather than just estimates. In a weighted average matrix, you first identify the most important criteria to be used in your decision. If you were buying a house, you might identify criteria such as size, location, layout, etc. Then, for each criteria, you provide a weight as to how important that criteria is compared to the other criteria. Size might be 50% of your decision, location might be 25%, layout might be 10% and so on. After you have thought through how important each criteria is, you look at each option and measure how well it meets each criteria. When exact measures cannot be found, best guess estimates have to suffice. You put these measurements into a matrix and calculate the weighted average. The option with the highest score is the winner.
First the background. For a while now, I have struggled with deciding between two different career tracks. I attempted to integrate those passions in my career as an academic, but I am still drawn to specializing in one or the other. Both passions fall in line with my central purpose in life. Both passions have long-term viability in my career as an academic. Both have potential for a consulting/expert business beyond academy. The first of these passions is to think, write, and educate about making decisions using applied philosophy, particularly extending Objectivism's moral and epistemological foundations. The second passion is to think, write, and educate about making decisions for developing a web presence, particularly with emerging web technologies. I have tried, unsuccessfully, for the past couple months to decide which career tracks offers the most potential happiness and financial gain.
Here is how I propose to deal with this dilemma.
For a short time, I will do both - equally. I will set up two dueling frameworks. Two blogs, two twitter accounts, and two facebook pages interconnected so that I can hit maximum exposure of my ideas with minimal effort. I will then set up dual marketing schemes, targeted at the appropriate audiences. Then I will proceed to blog once a week in each framework and post status updates/ micro-blog 5 times a week for one month. At the end of the first month, I will evaluate three things for both passions 1. market response 2. difficulty in finding and writing content and 3. how much did I enjoy the process. The last of which being the most important. If there is no clear winner after the first month, I will continue for a second month and re-evaluate again - perhaps even a third and fourth month, if needed. I need to convenience myself which career track focus will create the greatest enduring value for me. The other passion will be regulated to a hobby.
While I am in a unique position to try both career tracks simultaneously, not everyone has that luxury. In cases where decisions have to made quickly (as in the case of once in a lifetime opportunities that expire in a few days), developing a weighted average matrix might help. Essentially, that is what I'm doing, but collecting real data rather than just estimates. In a weighted average matrix, you first identify the most important criteria to be used in your decision. If you were buying a house, you might identify criteria such as size, location, layout, etc. Then, for each criteria, you provide a weight as to how important that criteria is compared to the other criteria. Size might be 50% of your decision, location might be 25%, layout might be 10% and so on. After you have thought through how important each criteria is, you look at each option and measure how well it meets each criteria. When exact measures cannot be found, best guess estimates have to suffice. You put these measurements into a matrix and calculate the weighted average. The option with the highest score is the winner.
7.23.2011
Vision, I don't need no stinking vision
Well, yes! Actually I do.
You see, there are many things I want in life. A boat, a $300,000 home, a camper, a mountain retreat, a summer beach house, a new computer, etc. And its not just physical things that I want. I want to live in a land where people respect individual rights, where everyone takes responsibility for their own thoughts and actions, where people are motivated to make the best out of their lives, where my kids are free to become the adults they dream they can be, where my wife and I live happily ever after, etc.
Well, all of these things require a vision of the life that I want. And before I can start acting towards that life, I need to clearly identify what it is I want. Otherwise, my actions could lead me anywhere. How could I tell if a particular thing I'm doing today will help me get the things I want for tomorrow? By what standard? Should I buy a new car or a used car? Do I want broadband Internet access or dial-up? In my free time, should I go camping with my family, read a book on architecture, or write an op-ed for my local newspaper? The answer to these questions all depend on the vision I hold. The clearer my vision, the better I can define my goals. The better I can define my goals, the easier it is to identify the actions necessary to complete those goals and actuate my vision.
Without a clear vision, I could not define my goals. Goals require an awareness in the difference between where I am now and where I want to be. If I don't know where I want to be, I can't define a goal. Without goals, any action is equally valid. No one action can be considered more important than any other. By default, actions without goals tend to gravitate toward short term satisfaction and momentary pleasures. Getting drunk with your friends every weekend. Blowing your paycheck on frivolous entertainment. Extreme adrenaline rushing thrills. While occasional indulgences are useful for relaxing or making life interesting, they should not occupy one's central purpose in life.
So, yes, I do need a vision. Yes, I do need a clear view of the world I want to live in so that I can direct my actions. And yes, I will work toward that vision.
You see, there are many things I want in life. A boat, a $300,000 home, a camper, a mountain retreat, a summer beach house, a new computer, etc. And its not just physical things that I want. I want to live in a land where people respect individual rights, where everyone takes responsibility for their own thoughts and actions, where people are motivated to make the best out of their lives, where my kids are free to become the adults they dream they can be, where my wife and I live happily ever after, etc.
Well, all of these things require a vision of the life that I want. And before I can start acting towards that life, I need to clearly identify what it is I want. Otherwise, my actions could lead me anywhere. How could I tell if a particular thing I'm doing today will help me get the things I want for tomorrow? By what standard? Should I buy a new car or a used car? Do I want broadband Internet access or dial-up? In my free time, should I go camping with my family, read a book on architecture, or write an op-ed for my local newspaper? The answer to these questions all depend on the vision I hold. The clearer my vision, the better I can define my goals. The better I can define my goals, the easier it is to identify the actions necessary to complete those goals and actuate my vision.
Without a clear vision, I could not define my goals. Goals require an awareness in the difference between where I am now and where I want to be. If I don't know where I want to be, I can't define a goal. Without goals, any action is equally valid. No one action can be considered more important than any other. By default, actions without goals tend to gravitate toward short term satisfaction and momentary pleasures. Getting drunk with your friends every weekend. Blowing your paycheck on frivolous entertainment. Extreme adrenaline rushing thrills. While occasional indulgences are useful for relaxing or making life interesting, they should not occupy one's central purpose in life.
So, yes, I do need a vision. Yes, I do need a clear view of the world I want to live in so that I can direct my actions. And yes, I will work toward that vision.
5.10.2011
Yep - I'm on track
I've started using ActionComplete for the Web and Android to much success. ActionComplete complements the Getting Things Done (GTD) productivity methodology. In this app, I have created tags for all of my major career and personal goals. I try to tag every project, activity, and idea with at least 1 tag. This provides me with a means to quickly review my goals to determine what I am currently doing to accomplish them. Because I had some down time between prepping for class and lunch, I did a quick review to see how well my day-to-day activities match these goals. Here's where I'm at:
My three career goals:
Personal goals:
My three career goals:
- Improve productivity - Only 1 project currently, focusing on improving my writing skills, with associated activities. Because writing has a big impact on my research goal, its a great syntheses project.
- Research - 9 current projects (3 active) and consuming most of my time. In part, my overemphasis on this area is because I'm playing catch up. But I'm starting to get where I want to be... which is good.
- Instructional excellence - 3 projects - 1 dealing with my current class, 1 pushing me toward advanced skills, and 1 for class this fall.
Personal goals:
- Home maintenance - There always seems to be something here and will probably stay that way as long as I live in a home.
- Financial independence - Long-term, I would like to achieve a state of passive income that allows me and my family to enjoy life without major financial limits. I have a couple projects in the works now (like selling our house) and some larger ideas that I may try to implement in a few years (like writing books or starting businesses).
- Build relationships - While my relationships are important for me, I don't currently have a project or many activities designed specifically for this. Generally, I treat this as an ongoing habit, so there is nothing big I want to accomplish at the moment. But I may want to brainstorm projects and activities that help facilitate relationship building, especially after we move.
- Health - Again, no current projects. I try to eat well and workout occasionally, but I have no major projects and only occasional activities marked in my to-do list. I've considered running in a 5k or training until I can break a 6:00 mile, but nothing definitive yet. I hope to add some emphasis back in this area after we move.
- Personal happiness - Basically, my everything else list. While all of my other goals bring me personal happiness, this tag is applied for any other project or activity that I enjoy. Our move to NC meets this category quite well.
What a great way to live consciously!
3.22.2011
Reading my kid's mind
This weekend I luckily turned a bad situation into a good one. It all started when my two oldest kids were playing in the Family Room. "A" my oldest is a 5 1/2 year old boy who loves to play with other people. "B" my daughter is 4, loves her big brother, but sometimes gets really pissed at him. "A" grabbed on of "B"s stuffed animals and proceeded to abuse it, so "B" left the room crying.
After I heard her whimpering down in the basement, I went to go check on her and comfort her. After she settled down a bit, we agreed to play with her play-dough together. Then along comes "A". He came down and asked "B" if he could play too. She was still mad at him, so she said no. "A", not letting someone else's answer stop him, proceeded to keep bugging "B" to see if she would let him play now (as if waiting 1.5 seconds between each request makes a difference). I asked him to find something else to play with as she had clearly made her wishes clear. He refused and ended up squishing one of her play-dough designs. At this point, I requested he leave the room and escorted him back up stairs. That's when things starting deteriorating even more. He refused to stay up stairs and I refused to let him back down because I was afraid he would continue to annoy his sister. Stalemate!
Then I realized something.
I asked him "You really want to play with your sister don't you?"
A: Crying "Yes"
Me: "And you don't like it that she doesn't want to play with you?"
A: Still crying "No"
Me: "I have an idea. Why don't you write a note to your sister saying you're sorry? Maybe then she'll want to play with you again."
A: Short silence. "Would you get me a sheet of paper?"
I did! FAST! And about a minute later, he came down with his note, cut out in the shape of a heart and handed it too her. It read "Im sre that I smosed yor plado" (I'm sorry that I smooched your playdough). "B" read the note (with my help interpreting), and A and B were best friends again. Problem solved!
All I had to do was read my son's mind. Luckily, I know him really well. I know that he's a people person and loves his sister to death. I know that he would do whatever is necessary to play with her, but that sometimes he just doesn't know how to articulate his thoughts. It wasn't until I realized his problem that we were able to solve our stalemate.
Now if only I can remember this the next time...
After I heard her whimpering down in the basement, I went to go check on her and comfort her. After she settled down a bit, we agreed to play with her play-dough together. Then along comes "A". He came down and asked "B" if he could play too. She was still mad at him, so she said no. "A", not letting someone else's answer stop him, proceeded to keep bugging "B" to see if she would let him play now (as if waiting 1.5 seconds between each request makes a difference). I asked him to find something else to play with as she had clearly made her wishes clear. He refused and ended up squishing one of her play-dough designs. At this point, I requested he leave the room and escorted him back up stairs. That's when things starting deteriorating even more. He refused to stay up stairs and I refused to let him back down because I was afraid he would continue to annoy his sister. Stalemate!
Then I realized something.
I asked him "You really want to play with your sister don't you?"
A: Crying "Yes"
Me: "And you don't like it that she doesn't want to play with you?"
A: Still crying "No"
Me: "I have an idea. Why don't you write a note to your sister saying you're sorry? Maybe then she'll want to play with you again."
A: Short silence. "Would you get me a sheet of paper?"
I did! FAST! And about a minute later, he came down with his note, cut out in the shape of a heart and handed it too her. It read "Im sre that I smosed yor plado" (I'm sorry that I smooched your playdough). "B" read the note (with my help interpreting), and A and B were best friends again. Problem solved!
All I had to do was read my son's mind. Luckily, I know him really well. I know that he's a people person and loves his sister to death. I know that he would do whatever is necessary to play with her, but that sometimes he just doesn't know how to articulate his thoughts. It wasn't until I realized his problem that we were able to solve our stalemate.
Now if only I can remember this the next time...
2.05.2011
Am I mindful?
Its easy...
To let pain slide right off of you.
To let fear of rejection control your actions.
To unfocus your mind when things become painful.
To change the subject when you start to lose an argument.
... and its easy to develop anxiety, become lethargic, or depressed by taking this easy path.
For the most part, I do it well. When I work out, I think about my form, my times, or my goals. When I read, I consider the implications of the ideas presented. When I play games, I develop strategies to win the game. When cuddling with my wife, I sense her every touch. But I still have lots of room for improvement. Areas where I can use some work? One that I have been focusing on lately is dealing with my kids when they misbehave. I go through spouts where I actively engage my mind during the process of addressing their misbehavior. Then there are the other times :( I revert to old habits where I am not mentally engaged, and this unfortunately usually results in an unhappy ending. Lately, I have been striving ever harder to apply my thinking mind to these situations with my kids. Rational Jenn's blog has detailed a bunch of parenting skills I would love to improve in myself, many of them based on Positive Discipline.
How can I bring more consciousness to relationships with my kids? Well, I first need to start accepting them for who they are and secondly start treating them as if they were adults in training. Their wants and desires must be acknowledged for what they are. That does not mean I cave to their whims, but I do hold them to standards of fairness that I would any other adult or kid. This at least gives me a place to start.
To let pain slide right off of you.
To let fear of rejection control your actions.
To unfocus your mind when things become painful.
To change the subject when you start to lose an argument.
... and its easy to develop anxiety, become lethargic, or depressed by taking this easy path.
The loss of control over one’s consciousness is the most terrifying of human experiences: a consciousness that doubts its own efficacy is in a monstrously intolerable state.~ Ayn Rand, “Our Cultural Value-Deprivation,” The Objectivist, April 1966, 1And yet, the greatest growth occurs when we can take on these "hard" challenges. The habit of living consciously consists of constantly applying one's mind in the course of every activity. Of using reason to integrate and deduce the appropriate actions to guide one's life. To never let the moment slide by because we refused to think. To be in focus, all the time, every time. It is a skill of applying my mind to all situations.
For the most part, I do it well. When I work out, I think about my form, my times, or my goals. When I read, I consider the implications of the ideas presented. When I play games, I develop strategies to win the game. When cuddling with my wife, I sense her every touch. But I still have lots of room for improvement. Areas where I can use some work? One that I have been focusing on lately is dealing with my kids when they misbehave. I go through spouts where I actively engage my mind during the process of addressing their misbehavior. Then there are the other times :( I revert to old habits where I am not mentally engaged, and this unfortunately usually results in an unhappy ending. Lately, I have been striving ever harder to apply my thinking mind to these situations with my kids. Rational Jenn's blog has detailed a bunch of parenting skills I would love to improve in myself, many of them based on Positive Discipline.
How can I bring more consciousness to relationships with my kids? Well, I first need to start accepting them for who they are and secondly start treating them as if they were adults in training. Their wants and desires must be acknowledged for what they are. That does not mean I cave to their whims, but I do hold them to standards of fairness that I would any other adult or kid. This at least gives me a place to start.
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